Question:
How much will we, as parents, be asked to participate on the Bimah during the service?

Answer:
This question will have to be answered by your Rabbi or Synagogue staff. Depending on the Synagogue, some parents will make a speech, bless their child, or participate in the service.

Question:
Should we choose an evening affair or an afternoon kiddish luncheon?

Answer:
Certainly, this will be a topic of discussion for the entire family. Often the choice has to do with how many out-of-town relatives you expect, the amount of money you want to spend, the size of the affair, and many other variables. Generally, it is more expensive to have an evening simcha, but an evening affair lends itself to a more formal atmosphere. You may want to offer a kiddish luncheon after the service for your guests or the entire congregation. In some synagogues, sponsoring a Kiddush luncheon and/or an Oneg Shabbat on Friday evening is expected. So, afternoon and evening events are not mutually exclusive, you could have both. Your family should discuss what type of public event you want to sponsor and what role food will play in that event.

Question:
What type of gift is appropriate for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child?

Answer:
If your child is attending their friend’s affair, generally a check in the amount of $36 (double Chai) is a nice gift (or a multiple of Chai - $18), depending on how close the friendship. Some families offer checks, tributes, donations, or purchase presents, again depending on whether it is a relative or friend, closeness of the two families, or how many people are attending from your family. Religious items, such as menorahs are also nice gifts.

Question:
What is the appropriate attire to wear to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

Answer:
At the Synagogue, wear whatever you would wear to a typical service. Some families buy new clothing for the occasion. Remember to dress with appropriate respect for the house of worship you attend. If you have a simcha at night or the next day, dress according to the theme, place and tenor of the affair. Remember to instruct guests in the invitations if you have special dress requirements.

Question:
How can we make our non-Jewish friends feel more comfortable at my Bar/Bat Mitzvah service?

Answer:
You may want to explain the service to them ahead of time. Rules regarding proper etiquette vary by synagogue, so ask staff or your Rabbi for Synagogue rules or policies. In some places kippot are required to be worn by all male visitors, for instance. You could explain that this does not make your guests Jewish, it is a sign of respect. Check with your Rabbi to be sure. 

Question:
To what extent can members of other religious groups participate in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

Answer:
Typically, non-Jews can participate by simply attending, observing, and following the service. If relatives or close friends are not Jewish, they are sometimes afforded non-ritual honors. If you are concerned about involving a relative or close friend who is not Jewish, consult with your rabbi to find out what might be possible.